Doing something for the sake of something, seeking something, fundamentally strange. Have you ever felt that? Like doing kendo for health, practicing zazen to rebuild oneself, or reading to seek salvation. Wanting to do something about bad connections, so you perform a purification ritual? Ah, completely strange. It’s wrong.
Doing something for the sake of something is fundamentally wrong.
Leaving the Self that Seeks Something Behind
Practicing kendo because you want to do kendo, doing zazen because you want to do zazen. Reading because you want to read, right? Wanting something else there is annoying. That self is annoying. When immersed in a movie, if I wave my hand when I appear on the screen, I can’t focus on the movie because I’m so conscious of myself. Basically, I’m a hindrance. Can’t you go somewhere else?
When absorbed in something, you forget yourself. Hey, so much time has passed. It’s already dark. I can’t remember where I was or what I was doing. People are happiest when they forget themselves.
Pain Reminds You of Yourself
Today, kendo practice in a different place than usual. Doing basic exercises. There’s an older teacher who is what you’d call a stick-wielding teacher. My wrists hurt. And my knuckles. That’s not a striking area! It hurts so much that I tried shifting the striking area myself, but I got hit in a place that wasn’t even the sleeve of my wrist protector. Ouch.
Pain makes me angry. This is me. When I show up, practice goes awry. It’s a bad habit. Just because it hurts when you get hit, so what? Precious practice time is ruined with that feeling.
So, focus only on what needs to be done now. Responding technique for the face. Concentrate only on the opportunities to strike. Forget yourself. That’s why you can concentrate and improve. One by one, if you can’t strike, think about why you couldn’t, and if you can, ah, that’s how it should be, silently watch your own movements. So, maybe it’s better to make mistakes. Trying things out is important. How about doing it like this, how about doing it like that. There’s no self there.
It’s the same in everyday life outside of kendo. Pain, past painful experiences too. Painful experiences involve pain. The self comes out. At that time, ah, the self came out, let’s discard it, let’s focus on the current work. Don’t get involved with yourself.
People cherish themselves too much. Aren’t we actually hindrances?
I received the results of a full-body checkup, and it said that precise examinations are necessary, sent by mail. So for about three days, my feelings changed. If you go to the hospital and make a clear decision, it’ll be a good story. If it’s cancer, you treat it; if it’s too late, you prepare to die. It’s not the time to be dragging your feet. Even in a situation like this, I always feel like I’m pulling my own leg. I won’t forgive myself. Cut it out already.
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